Flab Lord
by UPRC
Summary: Squall = 500lb. giant... What will he do?! (first fanfic by me)
1. Default Chapter

A muffin? Gone...  
Sardines!? Gone!  
... Liver.... Gone....  
All the food... In the cafeteria... Disappeared...  
Who did it? Who took the food?  
The sreach began that very morning...  
  
*Zell knocking on Squall's dorm*  
Zell: Squall, you alive?  
*Squall wakes up... Feels like shit...*  
Zell: SQUALLLLL!!!!!  
*Squall becomes furious*  
Squall: What?  
*Squall notices his cheeks... Bounce?*  
Zell: C'mon, you have to help me out.  
Squall: How?  
*Getting all jiggly*  
Zell: All the food in the cafeteria was stolen!  
*Squall finds that hard to believe*  
Squall: OK...  
*Squall tries to get up, then noticing he is a wide, round, oaf*  
Squall: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Zell: SQUALL!? SQUALL!?  
*Zell bursts the door down and sees a gigantic Squall*  
Zell: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK!? SQUALL! YOU DID IT!  
Squall: Whatever...  
Zell: I'm sure you'll be able to get out of this somehow...  
*And so, Squall said he was gonna be Santa... It worked*  
Zell: Now, time for you to get back in shape, fat shit.  
Squall: How? I'm chubbier then Master Norg was!  
Zell: Don't fret, theres a simple solution!  
*Begin catchy funky tune*  
Zell (singing): Ladadeda, when your fat, your big and slow....  
Squall (sining): Fuck you Zell, I can't help it!  
Zell (sining): Squall, Squall, do you wanna get back in shaaaape?  
Squall (singing): Yes, yes I doooooo.....  
Zell (sining): Yes, yes he doooooeeeessss!  
Squall (sining): Zell, Zell, my friend, show me the waaaay!  
Zell: Right. OK, fat ass... It's simple.  
Squall: TELL ME!!!!  
Zell: Fight some monsters of course! FOR HOURS!  
Squall: Whatever...  
*Squall and Zell go around the Esthar Region*  
Zell: Hmmm... There must be something here.... Right Squall?  
Squall: Whatever...  
Zell: Hey, look! A malboro!!!  
Squall: !!!  
Zell: Go Squall, kill it! KIIILLL IIITTT!!!!!!  
*Zell pushes Squall towards it, by the ass... Making... Noises...*  
Squall: I can't do this... Sorry, malboro.  
Malboro: FUCK YOU!!! I WAS PAID 1'000'000 FUCKING ZENNY FOR THIS!  
Squall: ... Zenny?  
Malboro: Oh fuck fuck fuck... Thats Breath of Fire currency...  
Squall: How much gil is 1'000'000 zenny?  
Malboro: ... One...  
Squall: !!!  
Malboro: BUT THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT!!!  
*battle music plays, Squall and malboro get ready to fight*  
Zell: Go Squall go!!!  
*Malboro is wondering why Squall isn't attacking*  
Zell: SQUALL! Why aren't you attacking?!  
Squall: My ATB guage isn't full!  
Zell: ATB guage?! The hell is that?  
Squall: I-I dunno...  
*Squall uses renzokuken and gets a perfect... On his fat blubbery chest*  
Damage to Squall: 9999... 9999... 9999... Etc, etc, etc....  
Zell: Uhhh... This looks hopeless... I need a hotdog...  
*Zell leaves to get a hotdog*  
*Squall's eyes bulge out of his head*  
Squall: Malboro! Look out! A cow is coming at you 400mph!!!!!!!  
Malboro: Gwahaha, I won't fall for tha-  
*The malboro is broken in half by the cow*  
Squall: Woohoo!  
*Squall pulls out a stereo, hits play, and the FF8 fanfare music plays*  
Squall: Zell? ZELL!? ZEEELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Zell returns, mouth full*  
Zell: Whats up you fucking perverted mother fucking fat piece of shit?  
Squall: ... ?  
Zell: Well?  
Squall: Whatever...  
*Squall and Zell return to Balamb, Zell touching Squall's ass the whole way*  
Zell: Well Squall... There is only one solution! Come to my house!  
*Squal goes to Zell's house and enters his room*  
Squall: What is it?  
Zell: Here...   
*Zell tosses a dead woman at Squall*  
Squall: WHAT THE!?  
Zell: Fuck it.  
Squall: WHAT!?  
*Before Squall can do anything, he is shoved in the closet.. Zell touching his ass*  
Zell: Now fuck it!  
*Squall is forced to fuck the dead woman... For hours....*  
Zell: How ya doin?  
Squall: How... Long... Has.... It... Been... ?  
Zell: Uhhh... Wow, four hours... You horny fat shit...  
*Zell opens the door and his mouth drops*  
Zell: YOUR NOT FAT ANYMORE!  
Squall: Why are you amazed? It was your idea...  
Zell: I just wanted to see you fuck a dead body.. Mwahaha...  
Squall: Whatever...  
Zell: I have a confession to make.  
Squall: What?  
Zell: I shoved all the food down your throat in your sleep...  
Squall: But we don't have that much food in the garden...  
Zell: I know, I shoved Rinoa down there too...  
Squall: Eww....  
Zell: Haha, yeah.  
Squall: Hahaha, well Zell.. Lets go do it.  
Zell: REALLY!? YYYEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!  
Squall: Why are you so excited? Lets go do it... Do some chores at the garden.  
Zell: ...  
*The two leave, Zell about to touch Squall's ass... When he farts!"  
Squall: Excuse me...  
*Rinoa's head pops out of Squall's ass...*  
Zell: Now thats what I call a sticky situation!  
Zell & Squall: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
THE END 


	2. Flab Lord 2: A strange queer air in Bala...

It was a long difficult procedure... But Rinoa was removed from Squall's ass.  
Zell enjoyed the operation a lot, hell he even watched (incase you haven't noticed yet...)  
  
Later...  
  
Zell: So, did it hurt?  
Squall: Uhh... I got some fun out of it.  
Zell: Huh?  
Squall: You wouldn't understand.  
Zell: I would so!  
Squall: Whatever...  
Zell: So.. What should we do?  
Squall: Lets rape Quistis.  
Zell: W-What!? No, no... How about Irvine?  
Squall: ... Irvine?  
Zell: Yeah, sure... It'd be fun! You... Irvine... And... Myself... Ahh....  
Squall: ... ... ... Whatever, lets go.  
Zell: OK, where to?  
Squall: ...  
Zell: WHERE TO?  
Squall: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME THINK!  
Zell: .......  
Squall: How about... Uhh... Lets play cards!  
*begins Triple Triad theme*  
Zell: Hmm.. Open?  
Squall: Yes, only open.  
Zell: tch, fine.  
Squall: Uh, Zell... Whats that card?  
Zell: Oh, this one?  
Squall: It looks like... Seifer nude?  
Zell: Uhh... Heh heh... Umm... How'd that get in there?  
Squall: Wow, every side is A...  
Zell: Heh... Uhhh... Yeah.... Heh heh...  
Squall: Zell... Whats wrong?  
Zell: I'm gay.  
Squall: ... I didn't expect anything like THAT so quick...  
Zell: ...  
Squall: Don't worry Zell, are men are gay in some way.  
Zell: Really?  
Squall: Sure, your normal! All those nights with Cid under the desk and-  
Zell: OK, OK, don't go any further..  
Squall: Well, I didn't expect him to be so wrinkly... It was... Cool.  
Zell: Maybe I'm not gay...  
Squall: No way, you are gay...  
Zell: Squall, you have that crazy look in your eye!  
Squall: Come here, my sweet little-  
Zell: AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Quistis opens door just as Squall drops his pants*  
Quistis: ... ?  
Zell: Quistis! RUN! SQUALL IS GAY!  
Quistis: Squall will still get me up the ass, right Squall?  
Squall: Your time right, you fucking whore! I'm bisexual!  
*Squall lets out this loud, evil laugh*  
Zell: ... Uhh...  
Quistis: Oh, its noon... I have to uhh... Help Selphie... Undo her... Pants....  
Zell: ... ?  
Squall: Have fun!  
Zell: OH MY GOD! QUISTIS IS BISEXUAL TOO!  
*begin Mario theme, Mario runs in, boots Zell in the balls, and runs awat laughing*  
Squall: ... That was interesting.  
Quistis: Are you alright Zell?  
Zell: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........................  
Quistis: Oh dear.. I'll cheer him up.  
Zell: Y-yay....  
Squall: I'll help!  
Zell: NOOOO!!!!!! I FEEL GREAT!  
*Zell watches in shock as Squall drops his underwear and sees the Lionheart*  
Zell: ... Holy shit. This is fucking king sized.  
Squall: Yea!  
Zell: How'd you make it so red? It looks hard... I like how erect it is.  
*Squall lifts the sword and swings it around*  
Zell: Squall... I just noticed.. YOU HAVE A SMALL COCK!  
*Squall cuts his cock off*  
Squall: NEGATIVE! I WOMAN!  
Zell: Don't talk like Fujin, its disturbing... I get troubling images in my head.  
*begin Mario theme, Mario runs in, boots Squall in the balls, and runs awat laughing*  
Squall: .... Whatever.  
Zell: Hey.. Squall.. You cut your balls off! Doesn't it hurt?  
Squall: ... .... ........................ OUUUUUUCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Quistis: Ha ha ha...  
*begin Mario theme, Mario runs in, fucks Quistis, and runs awat laughing*  
Quistis: GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!  
Zell: Quistis, you don't sound very angry..  
Quistis: He was good! I want more! HEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY MARIO!  
Squall: Uhh...  
*Zell reaches for Squall's ass just as he farts*  
Zell: Oh fuck, not again.  
*Edea's head pops out of Squall's ass*  
Quistis: Now thats what I call a sticky situation!  
Quistis, MArio, Zell & Squall: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Quistis fucks MArio for 5 days without rest*  
  
THE END 


End file.
